Shame

After presenting on “the sexual what-if syndrome” this morning at the Sunstone Symposium and hearing the experiences of a 60 year old audience member who shared his deep sadness and anger in regards to coming to terms with the fact that he was taught that his being gay was “bad” and the many ways he was not able to live an authentic life within his religious community... I’m having sooooo many thoughts of the unnecessary tragedy that millions of people live through in a variety of cultures/religions.

When children grow up in religious communities that shame and “sinnifize” normal aspects of human sexuality... it causes personal and relational conundrums that are difficult to recover from. These messages can affect many decisions during pivotal developmental years, which then have lifelong implications. Typical things that get shamed are masturbation, sexual orientation, gender identity, erotic preferences & fantasy, libido presentations, and non marital experiences... all important aspects of a person’s sexual development journey.

When people feel shamed by other people... that’s bad enough. But to add the extra layer of belief in a divine being that is perceived as upset, disappointed and sees you as less worthy... wow! What a mind mess! It is no wonder that we lose people to suicide and have many others struggle with mental & relational health ramifications as a result of having been taught that an integral part of their humanity is unacceptable and undesired.